7.27.2005

suga'daddy

"Hey, what kind of snacks do you girls like?" inquires Cap'n Jack.
"Well... Umm... Snickers? Doritos? Haha... Why?" replies Leah, honestly, but hesitantly.
Cap'n Jack smiles, "Alright girls, well, I'm gonna be the dock suga'daddy."
Our eyes bulge and we turn away giggling as we load up into the ghetto "Fresh Fish Company" van.

The next day, Jack asks us to stay a while, after the customers leave. We do so and moments later Jack comes out of his boat cabin with a five gigantic cookies and a bag of Doritos. "Only 'cause I'm yo sugar-daddy ladies," he says as he winks and hands the sweets over.

During this same day, Leah and I go to Napa for some steering fluid. After filling up my steering fluid container, I re-enter the large auto store to return the borrowed funnel. As I reach to open the door, the Napa man beats me to it and quickly asks, "Are you hungry?"
"Uhh... Not really. Why?" I respond with my tail between my legs.
"Well, I've got some hot dogs in the back if ya want," the Napa man with oil stained hands tells me.
"Oh, well, thanks, but I really just ate lunch..." I say in the most sincere way that I can without sounding completely creeped out.

Maybe I will run into more creepy guys in California this next week. I'm heading out on the 6 am flight tomorrow (7/28) to San Francisco. If you want a postcard, send me your address! I'll be back Tuesday afternoon (8/2).

7.26.2005

where's waldo?

With the many visitors that my site entertains, I receive "site statistics" telling me the number of visitors, the url from which they linked from, what kind of system they use, and most interestingly, when they use a search engine, what "keywords" they typed... The word combinations that people type that refer them to my site are most interesting to me:

52.81% typed "jennifer vallion" and were linked to my web page.

19.75% typed "abby sparrowgrove"

8.32% typed "darcie seesz"

4.75% typed "old pictures of kayhi"

3.22% typed "napoleon dynamite t shirts give my your tots i'm starving"

2.95% typed "your mom goes to college explanation understand"

2.53% typed "megan violin mtv date my mom"

2.49% typed "sitka jo softball tournament"

1.63% typed "kaari myspace"

1.56% typed "tlingit jordan whitehorse drum"

Who knows who will find me next with one of their creepy searches...

7.24.2005

albert, take it away

This summer is breezin' by. I have already had two radio shows. One was about a week ago, "The Good Day Show." Haha. I accidentally called it "The Good Show" on air, woops. I played rock for an hour. Yesterday, was my second show, "At the hop." I played a bunch of 50's and 60's diner music. -Awesome.

Other than that, holy cow, college is near! I will probably be leaving September 9th to go try-out for the softball team. I have found out what dorm I'm living in finally (Campion) and what floor (7th floor, all girls) and my roommate... We spoke briefly on the phone a couple times, and have exchanged a couple of messages on thefacebook.com.

Her name is Suzy St. George.
She lives just fifteen minutes from the school.
She is a sophomore.
She can't whistle or snap.
She is "quite possibly addicted to gum."
She doesn't like cake.
And she hates it when people talk on their cell phones in bathrooms.

Things that make her happy:
baking cookies
The Price is Right
smoothies
my big fuzzy slippers
disco music
peppermint lattes
Cosmopolitan
walking barefoot in grass in the summer
vh1 specials
the beach
red bull
making lists
grammar
palindromes
creative away messages
driving at night
mini-golfing
finding interesting things in pockets of clothing I haven't worn in a while
adventures
Hungry Hungry Hippos
Where's Waldo books
word jumbles
penguins
the number 11
the color red
black vw jettas
irish accents
my hair straightener
little kids
making mix CDs
the Sharper Image
guys with nice abs

She seems fun. -I'm not being sarcastic, I'm excited. Apparently, last year, she had a Japanese exchange student for a roommate last year and she spoke very little English, didn't like music or movies, and liked to lock herself in the room alone.

I hear from a couple of my other friends that they have rather interesting roommates... Emily's roommate is named "Skye Ariel Sailor." Might we say, "HIPPY"? And Hannah's roommate is from Africa. -Quite fitting. Yeah, college.

7.18.2005

smiles, jesus, flares, and of course, fish

More dock stories. Because they're the best I've got this time of year.

One of our favorite captains down at the dock was unloading some fish, and sayin' goodbye to his passengers, when one of them said, "Smile!" while she held up her camera for a quick snap. The Cap'n smiled bigger and responded, "I'm always smilin', except when I'm not." This certain captain is a riot. He tells his clients, "Yeah, I might be an asshole, but I'm a damn, good fisherman," before and after each trip. The man holds his tongue for no one.

Speaking of watching language and such... Last week, a Christian tourship was in town. After an obvious boat load of Texas Jesus-Freaks offloaded from a boat, I blurted out in a very serious, flamboyant tone, "God Bless!"
Leah spun around and looked at me as if I had just announced that I was pregnant, and said, "WHAT!?" -I guess I'm just not the religious type, but the tourists didn't know any better.
As they continued to walk away, blessed and all, I continued, "May the Lord be with you."
Leah corrected me though. I guess that's from Star Wars, not Jesus. Woops.

In other news, I observed Drunk Jeff wearing flares.

An older couple approached us on the dock wishing to see a white king salmon. They inquired about our jobs and thought it to be especially humorous that we worked at "Fresh Fish" as opposed to "Old Fish." Yeah, not funny.
The man drilling us for information about fish kept doing a distracting cough-sniffle. After every couple words he'd force out this abnoxious stream of air, and then suck a big gulp of air back in through his noise. The couple was very concerned and interested in seeing a white king. They wanted to know where and how they could see/buy one and everything there was to know. I didn't know what to tell them...
"Well, they are a little more rare... A delicacy in some restaurants... Higher fat content... Yeah, exciting..."
They just couldn't let go of the idea of an albino king salmon. But finally, we shoved them aside, and picked up the tote of kings the man had been coughing over. Upon returning to the plant to weigh the fish, we realized that the very fish sitting, literally, right beneath the man's nose, was indeed, a white king salmon.

7.10.2005

just ink

How often do you end up with a pen that isnt yours? Maybe after writing a check? After filling some paperwork out? Oh well, its just a pen. Right?

Oh no! Not to a lot of businesses! They find it necessary to attach large, plastic spoons to the ends of pens. Sometimes they attach straws that have been cut so that the ends look like hair. Sometimes the pens are tied down by pieces of string or small chains. Sometimes they attach pieces of paper that make little flags at the ends that have nasty messages like,

"STEAL THIS PEN AND HAVE BAD KARMA FOREVER!"
or
"Return this pen or else slimy night crawlers will take advantage of you endlessly." (Seriously, I saw it at a coffee shop down south...)

It seems pretty ridiculous how protective these people are of their pens. A box of decent pens must cost no more than $5. And I'm sure you get at least a dozen. -That is less than fifty cents per pen. However, right next to the cheap pens, they have pieces of candy that you can take as you please. So, if pens are seriously so inexpensive, and everyone ends up with someone else's pen occasionally, can't we all just sort of have an unspoken, unwritten tradition of a friendly, pen-exchange? It could be kind of like the "Take a penny. Leave a penny." -Except it'd be even less structured... It would just flow, like ink.

7.03.2005

fools "walk"

Last night was the second annual "Only Fools Run at Midnight." At about 10:30, Hayley, Melissa and I signed up for competing in the 1 Mile Fun Walk. Afterward, we headed back to my place where we dressed up quite sexily...

Melissa was wearing a Carmen Miranda head piece (like the Chiquita Banana Lady), along with a mermaid skirt, and a gypsy scarf wrapped around her waist.

Hayley was wearing a ruffly, metallic-turquoise dress, big black boots with knee-high black and white striped socks, and a Mermaid wig and crown.

And I was wearing a wetsuit, a big yellow and black hat with spikes, a wacky-colored scarf, peace sign converse shoes, blue and white striped knee-high socks, and of course, an innertube!

We pulled up to the fire station where the race was to start, and hurried in the door. I had an especially hard time getting in the door, and finding a place where I would fit with my big innertube. However, the innertube worked much like a bumper, so it worked out. A man got up on a podium and began speaking muffled words, and soon thereafter, parts of the crowd began moving into a circle. The only thing to do was join into the circle, right? So we did. We began walking around the fire department in a big circle, with spectators on the outside. Melissa and Hayley had no idea what was going on, so they just nervously held onto my intertube while embarrassingly giggling. We kept circling, and circling, and circling while people laughed, pointed, stared, and snapped several photographs of our hideous apparel.

"Well, judges, what do you think?" said the man over the loud speaker.
"What we're being judged!?" I realized what was up. The Mermaid Princess and the Fruit Head just about lost it right then and there. But we continued to circle... Until finally, the walk began!

We began cruising down the road among many other strangely dressed individuals. Then people began jogging, and power walking. "What is going on!? I thought this was a FUN WALK. Not a competitive power walk/jog!" I began exclaiming. We literally had to run in order to keep up with the walkers! I didn't understand. The "1 Mile Fun Walk" was turning into a 2 mile competitive run! But we continued on... At one point, someone asked if they could store something on my innertube. How dare they! That would be like asking a fat lady if you could store something in her roll! When we finally ended up back at the fire department, an older, jolly man kept snapping pictures of the three of us.

Once everyone had finished the race/walk, we wandered inside where there was water and orange slices for refreshments. A man got back on the microphone, congratuled everyone, and began giving awards for different categories of costume. We were quite surprised, we figured there were awards, but even categories!? Wow. After I reached around my back and found that someone had left their empty water bottle on my innertube, we realized it was time to go. We left before the awards were over. Maybe we won something. Maybe we didn't. We were swimming in enough of our own personal glory (AKA: Laughter).